How I Prevent Behavior Relapse (Unless It’s Good).

I remember working with my executive coach, Nicholas, to complete an ambitious project. As I reflect on the experience I see that, like most big goals, it wasn’t the object itself that proved valuable, but the personal evolution required to attain it. My impulse control, my ability to maintain focus, and my joy in the work all saw great improvements.

Then he hit me with a tough question...

“How will you cement these behavioral shifts? Or more realistically, how will you navigate around the inevitable roadblocks and minefields that will pull you back to old patterns of behavior?”

You see, it was patterns of behavior that I was working on, not a project. My wife, Judy, a psychologist, immediately validated the importance of such a question. She said, “Oh yes, we call that relapse prevention.”

New patterns, like a strong marriage, need constant attention in order to solidify. There is no being done. It’s like saying you arrived at a fitness goal and therefore no longer have to eat well and exercise. The process never ends.

I’m under no illusion that a two month behavioral shift for the better, means it’s permanent. Always, there are temptations and risks to revert back to old ways of being because the neural pathways of old habits never completely disappear.

My answer was simple.

Although I didn’t realize it at the time, my answer struck the three vital cords of behavior change:

1. Desire (a.k.a. motivation)

2. Capability (a.k.a. skills & knowledge)

3. Support (a.k.a. accountability). I told my coach that I would strengthen my mindfulness practice throughout the day.

At the core of this practice was both an awareness of triggers, and a promise to simply sit for 90-seconds every time a trigger arose. In my case the triggers always related to some avoidance behavior.

Whether it was jumping from task to task, distractibility or screen scrolling, the promise to myself was nothing more than to sit with the impulse for 90-seconds. That’s all. To sit and notice and do nothing.

Amazingly, a lot can happen in 90-seconds.

That amount of space offered plenty of opportunity for me to reconnect to a greater vision of myself, to my highest priorities, and to the goals I had set for the day, heck, even the hour.

As you consider any type behavior change to support any type of goal, ask yourself three simple questions:

1. How important is this to me?

2. What tools can I bring to bear?

3. What types of support serve me best?

If you answer those three questions well, you’ll have the raw material necessary to build any action plan to support any goal you can think of. After that, think of every action you take as practice.

👉 Feel free to book some calendar time with me here if you want to talk about how we bridge our inner world voice to our outer world results.

To the Championship Coach inside all of us!

Sheldon